The 20 Rules of Being A Star Plus Script Writer

1)You know you’re the most creative person on the planet.

2)You know that nothing sells more than saas/bahu/nand/devrani/jethani bickering, not even sex or Shahrukh Khan.

3)You have to let your imagination run wild.

4)30 out of 40 minutes of every episode should be devoted to zooming in and out on people’s faces and making whoosh!! sounds.

5)Mixing characters from different soaps is an excellent idea; who would be so stupid not to find it clever and interesting?

6)An intense scene is more effective when there are Shlokas being chanted in the background. ‘Yada Yada Hi Dharmasaya’ is a winner everytime!!

7)Make sure to align all the characters in a perfect semi-circle in a family scene.

8)All the characters should speak in turns!

9)You’re the torch bearer of women’s liberation. Make sure 8 out 10 female characters are bimbos, vamps or murderers.

10)Sane and decent women are all over 100 years old.

11)Your ultimate aim is to get BAA a nomination in the Limca Book of Records for the oldest on-screen character ever!!

12)When running out of ideas, take up an old Bollywood song, massacre it!, and make two 18 year old kids dance to it.

13)Festival time is for you to relax; 4 episodes for Holi, 3 for Diwali, and 36 others for Chhat puja, this shashti…that shashti, karva chauth. Go for a loooong!! vacation during this time.

14)Years of education has taught you that there are only two kinds of women. The Cow and the Witch.

15)Men of your imagination are the most fertile of the lot. A certain Mr. Basu has about 17 offspring from 4 women.

16)You are creative and realistic!! Make sure none of your characters can act. I mean, who in real life, can act?

17)You don’t owe an explanation to anyone as to how participants from Sa Re Ga Ma or Indian Idol sing at your parties.

18)If you run out of ideas again; accidents, sudden disappearances, murders or even plastic surgeries are the way to go!

19)Oh!, and remember again, your creativity has no boundaries.

20)Last but not the least, never ever kill BAA, a few more years and she might even make it to the Guiness Book of World Records.