When Citizen Kane met a Godfather at the Dark Side of The Moon

CAUTION: Some of the things mentioned here might be a big blow on your sensibilities. I’m not writing any of this to antagonize anyone, it’s just how I write:). APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE

So what’s the big deal with Citizen Kane anyway? Ranked as the greatest American movie of all time, again and again! Yeah yeah..Orson Welles this, Orson Welles that..puh-leeeease. While I don’t deny the fact that the movie did innovative things in the technical department, it hardly makes up for the sheer dullness and absolutely mediocre performances, not to mention the irritatingly over the top operatic production. And why o why do people think the use of endless metaphors is great direction?? Yeah, it can be great when used at the right time and in the right place, and not in the most mundane pseudo intellectual way. Remember the Lion King, when baby Simba places his paws in his father’s footsteps and then backs away? Now that was good!!

The Godfather, while good, is also grossly overrated in my opinion. Yes, Marlon Brando was good, and Al Pacino gave the performance of his life, only to be bettered in The Scent Of A Woman. I mean, the first half an hour watching a bunch of Italians dancing and singing at a wedding is hardly art, I could have done better with Hum Aapke Hain Kaun!! The film does have its moments, but it also drags and suffers from painful boredom is most parts. I know I’m beginning to sound like a tasteless jerk now, yeah? I’m not saying I don’t like the Godfather, but I certainly would not call it one of the 10 greatest movies ever made. Taxi Driver, The Untouchables, Pulp Fiction, Good Fellas, A Clockwork Orange, and so many more..huh..what’s the big deal…booooooring!!! And I truly believe Martin Scorsese is the biggest idiot in the history of cinema, I can’t tell you how grossed out and bored I’ve been every time I’ve tried to sit through any of his movies. Give me a Titanic, a Forrest Gump, E.T., Rocky, Saving Private Ryan, Lord of the Rings etc etc anyday. And if you’re one of those who believe older is always better, give me The Sound of Music, Westside Story, Laurence of Arabia. Remember, boredom and weirdness are not synonymous with great cinema. The problem with these “critically” acclaimed movies is, most people will say they LOVE it but they’ll never see it again. You don’t have to like something because your grandmother told you so.

The same case follows in the music industry. Yes yes, I’m sure you can tell from the title that I’m going to massacre Pink Floyd now. So, if you’re die-hard fanatic, please stop reading now! Again, I must clarify beforehand..I don’t dislike Pink Floyd’s music, but with 14 albums and only about 5-7 memorable songs, it’s a grave injustice that bands like Rush/YES aren’t even mentioned in the same breath as Pink Floyd. Saucerful of Secrets was pure noise; feedback, tolling bells, screaming and what not. Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Atom Heart Mother, Obscured by the Clouds and everything before The Dark Side of The Moon was equally stupid! Which brings us to The Dark Side of the Moon; yes, it’s a good album. A classic? Yes, definitely. A great album? Yeah, maybe. But it’s definitely not THE pinnacle of Rock music as it’s made out to be. Money and Time are good songs, yes, and let’s include Brain Damage in the list of good songs too, but the rest is just boring. 2nd highest selling rock album ever (first being AC/DC’s Back In Black), world record for a staggering 741 weeks! in the Billboard charts. Same is the case with the 2 disc long!! The Wall, 2 classics, 1 good song and numerous other utterly boring numbers. The reason why both these albums are considered as greatest of the greatest still evades me. I can’t understand the Rolling Stones phenomenon either; what was so great about their music anyway? And don’t even get me started on Led Zeppelin; the most overrated, overhyped and minimally talented bunch of musicians ever!!! What’s the hype about Jimmy Page….what did he ever do that was really good? Yes, Stairway To Heaven and Black Dog are eternal classics, no doubt! Can you remember anything else from them? maybe Rock n Roll, but that’s it! For that era, in my opinion, he isn’t even worth the dirt on Ritchie Blackmore’s fingernails. Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan truly deserve all the credit and hype that they get, but these guys don’t. I’m sorry, but Deep Purple were easily a 100 times better band than Led Zeppelin, and Rush were a 1000 times better band than Pink Floyd. Black Sabbath is the only band where I won’t say anything. I mean they started and defined a whole new genre of music, and they do deserve all the credit and hype. Speaking in terms of musical quality though, I think they’ve been outdone by Metallica and Iron Maiden.
Some highly overrated bands of this generation include Radiohead, Oasis and the oh so stupid Coldplay. I’m sorry, but I’d rather go back and listen to The Joshua Tree than listen to these crooning morons who think they can plagiarize on the U2 sound, add some utterly syrupy or politically/socially charged lyrics and fool me.

So you think The Dark Side of the Moon is the ultimate psychedelic/prog rock album ever? Go and listen to Moving Pictures or 2112 by Rush, and think again. You think Heavy Metal starts and ends with Britain; Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden? Go listen to Restless and Wild or Balls to the Walls by Accept (Germany). You think Led Zeppelin rules all that is rock and metal? Well…you need help then. You think OK Computer or What’s The Story… are the greatest rock albums ever? Umm..let me see…hmmmm….why don’t you listen to some good music for another 10 years and then we’ll talk.