Top 10 Heavy Metal Albums of 2007

It's that time of the year again, and I'm about to list the best Metal albums of 2007. This was not really a great year for Heavy Metal, yeah, there were quite a few releases from old warhorses, but even these could not save the year from the overall mediocrity it was burdened with. So here are some of my favourite Heavy Metal albums from 2007(in descending order)

1) Machine Head: The Blackening

Phewww!! This has definitely displaced Burn My Eyes as my favourite Machine Head album, and quite possibly as Machine Head's best yet. Angry, menacing!! aggressive Post Thrash. Want some track recommendations..how about all of 'em? Well, just for your sake..I'll say check out Clenching the Fists of Dissent, Halo, Aesthetics of Hate, Beautiful Mourning and Slanderous. The best this year! and quite possibly the best Post/Thrash release since Lamb of God's Ashes of The Wake in 2004. It's a killer!!!

2) Dark Tranquillity: Fiction

This his how modern Melodic Death Metal should sound like! The Swedish masters have done it again. This is a worthy follower to their last masterpiece Character in every which way. Yeah, they still sound the same, but hey! that's what we want :) . Tremendous arrangements, clinically precise and crunching riffs...this one is a Gothenburger's wet dream.

3)

Arch Enemy's second best album to date!(first being Wages of Sin).Here's a short review of this album.

4) Overkill: Immortalis

If it's old school Thrash you're looking for, you can never ever! go wrong with Overkill. This certainly ain't another The Years of Decay or Horrorscope but it still has loads of ripping riffs and shredding solos to leave you gasping for more. The production is terrific and the instrumentation is godly...it's Overkill after all!

5) Symphony X: Paradise Lost

The most beautiful(musically) Metal album to be released this year, without doubt. You gotta give it some time though, it grows on you after the third or fourth listen. Beautiful melodies, Michael Romeo's exquisite riffing and mind boggling solos, this one's got it all. Not in the league of The Divine Wings of Tragedy and V-A New Mythology Suite but still a very good album.

6) The best Megadeth album since Cryptic Writings, period. Before anyone asks, NO, I wasn't a fan of The System Has Failed. Sleepwalker and A Tout Le Monde with Christina Scabbia are worth the price of this album. Great riffing, after a long long! time. Not very heavy, but Megadeth haven't been really heavy except on Youthanasia perhaps.

7) Exodus: The Atrocity Exhibition-Exhibit A

This album is reviewed in my previous post.

8) Iced Earth: Framing Armageddon(Something Wicked Part 1)The Power Metal masters are back!. This album is a tad mellower than their previous masterpieces, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Night of The Stormrider or The Dark Saga, but it still packs that trademark Iced Earth punch. This one is a loong! player with 19 tracks and some songs tend to get overtly complicated. But once you're past through that initial barrier, you'll be reaping the benefits in no time :)

9) Dream Theater: Systematic Chaos

Clocking in at nearly an hour and twenty minutes, this one can be tedious for the casual fan of progressive metal. For the fan though, this is what it is! A good dose of technical riffs, harmonies, keyboard madness and beautiful solos(Constant Motion is a killer!), which you can turn on and then get on with your daily chores. A very good album, and better than Octavarium(yukk!!) for sure, but Symphony X have clearly stolen the thunder from under Dream Theater's nose this year.

10) Kamelot: Ghost OperaKamelot keep surprising you with one good release after the other. They followed Epica with the masterpiece Black Halo, and they have followed it up with the excellent Ghost Opera now. While Black Halo remains Kamelot's best work to date, Ghost Opera also deserves a spot in your CD collection(if you're a fan of Kamelot or Power Metal in general). Roy Khan's voice is in form again(like that's anything new) and the musical arrangements are great.

So that was it...these were my favourite Heavy Metal albums of 2007.

Major dissapointments

1) Obituary: Xecutioner's Return

2) Sodom: The Final Sign of Evil

3) S.O.D.: Rise of The Infidels

4) King Diamond: Give Me Your Soul..Please!

P.S.--As I Lay Dying's An Ocean Between Us just! missed the list. Yeah, frown some more :)

Exodus-The Atrocity Exhibition: Exhibit A

Exodus are back!, and back with a bang! they are. For the uninitiated; Exodus are one of the most influential Thrash bands ever and their album Bonded by Blood is easily one of the Top 10 Thrash albums ever. Their last two releases, Tempo of The Damned and Shovel Headed Kill Machine, though praised by the critics and fans alike left me unsatisfied. They were more 'groove' than 'thrash' for me. With The Atrocity Exhibition however, they have hit a home run. It's all in the guitars they say, and Gary Holt and Lee Altus leave no stone unturned to rattle your brains crazy with their uber heavy and pulverizing riffs. This album has that quintessential aggression that was missing in the two previous releases.

Right after the minute and a half soothing intro of 'A Call to Arms', they bombard you with the bludgeoning 'Riot Act' and you know that Exodus mean business this time. Relentless riffing coupled with double bass mayhem make this a headbanger's delight, the solo here is just boombastic!! Next up is 'Funeral Hymn', an 8 and a half minute epic with it's thunderous and crunchy! riffs--a good song overall but it tends to get monotonous and a tad tedious. The solo here is again magnificent! Exodus follow it up with another 8 minute+ player in 'Children of A Worthless God'--the main riff is excellent! here and the guitars are exceedingly sharp. It does have an almost Arch Enemy-esque sound though. Next up is 'As it Was, As it Soon Shall Be', which is reminiscent of their work in Tempo of The Damned..crunchy and groovy mid-paced riffing. This song is nothig great but still leagues ahead of the Staind,KoRN,Disturbed,Godsmack crap masquerading as Metal out there. Things move on to the 10 minute+ epic Title song--which is a strange mix of Thrash as well as the Dillinger Escape Plan and Meshuggah sounds. You have to give this one some time, it grows on you! and really turns into a monster around the 5 minute mark...and the last 4 minutes are absolute Thrash bliss!..ummm. Oh, there's another exquisite solo in here. Next up is what is arguably the best song of this album..'Iconoclasm', when Rob Dukes screams I am the chosen one!!! you'll feel the adrenaline rushing to your head. The main riff is superb, and the breakdown around the 3 minute mark is simply mindblowing! Terrific solo once again!(man!! what were these guys on?). 'Garden of Bleeding' starts off in a very doom-ish way but comes into full feldged thrash frenzy in under a minute. This is also one of those songs which can be an acquired taste(yeah, even for the metalhead). It has a certain avante garde feel to it, and the riffs are heavier than your normal Thrash. I love! it though :) ..the last 1 and a half minutes of this song are pure mayhem! The last song 'Bedlam 123' is the most experimental song here. Starting with off beats and a Primus like bass line, this song gets into hyper speed destruction mode. Time changes coupled with blast beats and galloping double bass throughout, this is a worthy closer to the album.

Finally, what Exodus have achieved here is an excellent example of classic brutality and speed coupled with modern finesse,variations, and production sound. I say hats off!

Killer Tracks--Riot Act, Iconoclasm, Garden of Bleeding, Bedlam 123

Rating: 8.5/10

Om Shanti Om

Some films take themselves very seriously and some take themselves too lightly. Om Shanti Om is an anomaly of sorts; it gets too serious in taking itself too lightly. Doesn't make sense? Well..yeah..even the 17 odd reels of Om Shanti Om don't. That's not a point of contention however, I knew what to expect when I walked into the cinema this morning. Let's get on with the review now..shall we?
Om Prakash Makheeja(SRK) is a 70s junior artist who’s insanely in love with Shanti Priya(Deepika Padukone), who is in love with the badman Mukesh Mehra(ArjunRampal). Things go wrong, and both OM and Shanti end up dead! But….picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

The first half with the 70s backdrop is as much a visual treat as it is a laugh riot. Yes, I’m not exaggerating here; the first hour of the film has some of the most massy and funny sequences Indian cinema has ever seen. The Dreamy Girl premiere, the whole Manoj Kumar spoof and Rajesh Kapoor(Khanna) and pregnant wife(Dimple) interview are supremely hilarious. The Rajnikanth spoof will have you holding on to your stomach, just in case anything pops out. The Dhoom Tana song where Shanti dances with Sunil Dutt, Rajesh Khanna and Jeetendra a la Forrest Gump is absolutely splendid. The special effects department should be lauded for this feat.The village shoot where Om and Pappu(Shreyas Talpade) are playing dacoits is again a rib tickler. In between all these moments of laughter and entertainment(which is the whole point of OSO anyway) is a friendship brewing between Om and Shanti. Their rendezvous’ are handled beautifully and Deepika looks quite charming, and if I might add, stunning. The whole set burning sequence which results in the deaths of both OM and Shanti is grandeur at its best. Among the typical Bollywood masala entertainers, this is definitely one of the most entertaining, funny and involving first halves ever.

30 years later….Take TWO!, the second half dips and dips and keeps dipping for several minutes till we have a jug full of bitter Lipton Tiger in our mouth. Om Prakash Makheeja is reborn as Om Kapoor, the son of yesteryear superstar Rajesh Kapoor. Dard-e-disco though choreographed beautifully and quite catchy semed just out of place, I dunno why it had to be there. Om Kapoor keeps hearing voices and seeing flashes from his past life. His mother(Kiron Kher) in his first life keeps chasing his car with the everlasting ‘beta ruk ja’ line. The visions, the voices..anything just doesn’t make any emotional impact. When Om is shooting for superhero film Mohabbat Man(which was a very funny sequence again) he accidentally walks into the room which used to be Shanti’s dressing room. Again come the flashes, the voices and the faces too; all this while, I was hoping this just gets over!!! Give me some more entertainment. This isn’t good for Farah Khan, if she ever wants to be a good storyteller. Farah does oblige to our requests intermittently though; with the earth shakingly hilarious Filmfare Awards sequence and the star studded Deewangi Deewangi. Anyway, Mukesh Mehra is back again, this time as Mike or Mik-ee as he wishes to be addressed. Om of course recognizes his murderer, goes back to his mother and Pappu, gets lucky enough! to find a Shanti look alike,Sandy(Sandhya) and is determined to bring Mukesh Mehra to justice(wow!..now that’s what you call absitively posilutely seriously mindless). Om devises a plan which involves the help of all his actor friends and family to bring Mukesh Mehra to justice at the same place he murdered his beloved Shanti. Surprises, shrieking old ladies, staged bhoot incidents, tampered film reels et al make Mukesh Mehra fall into the trap and justice is finally delivered in Madhumati ishtyle! climax which is immaculately shot and is truly a grand spectacle. The second half could’ve been crisper though; some serious editing flaws in there. The whole Om/Mukesh restaurant sequence, the Om/Sandy rooftop sequence are just plain boring. The dialogues are grossly overwritten, too much blah blah for no rhyme or reason. All in all, quite a disapoointing second half with the exception of the far and few in between funny moments, and the climax, which is very well done indeed.

Coming on to the performances—Shreyas Talpade as Om’s sidekick is funny, loveable and extremely confident…two big Thumbs Up to him. Kiron Kher excels in what she’s supposed to do, i.e. play the loud, melodramatic Bollywood maa. Deepika Padukone looks gorgeous, and her performance is not bad for a first timer. I have my doubts about the voice though, I still think it’s dubbed. Arjun Rampal is plainly stupid in some scenes and plainly terrific in others. I still don’t know how to rate him here. I’ll go with a ‘decent’ at best. And now to SRK—the man hams like he never has! But wait a min, that doesn’t mean what you think it does. The truth about OSO, as a matter of fact is…it’s a one man job. It is SRK’s film; he’s the spine, the heart, the soul, the joy, the laughter and the emotion(whatever little this film has) of the film. He’s a revelation in the first half specially—playing to the gallery comedy has never been his forte, but he’s just marvellous here. Some of the hamming in second half is quite annoying though, specially in the confrontation scenes. He hams, he overacts, he makes silly faces, he ridicules himself, he ridicules others and still manages to bring the film several notches above what it deserves.

So that was OSO for you. No, it’s not the mother of all masala entertainers as some of our esteemed critics seem to think. What it is though, is 2 and a half hours well spent with your family and children. A first half full of laughter and energy, a scond half which gets quite boring at times, annoying at times, fun at times resulting in a wonderfully crafted climax. Am I disappointed? Yes…still worth a watch though.

Rating: ***

Resurgence of the Retarded!!

Every now and then I see or read something which makes me laugh(and I'm not talking about Balaji Telefilms' soaps here) at the sheer frivolity of its content. I recently read this piece in the Sify news column section where the writer is thrashing the Bachhan family as 'anti-woman' and what not. In fact, the writer thinks Mr. Bachhan is not even worthy of being a 'role model'...hmmm..interesting. What are his reasons..one may ask..? Well...the whole 'Sankat Mochan' deal for one, and the fact that Mr. Bachhan has not opened a charitable hospital as yet! Whoa!..that's just amazing.



I am a manglik myself and believe you me, when I say that I did almost as much for my wife as Aishwarya had to do for the safety of Abhishek Bachhan..lol. Did I believe in it? NO...but it doesn't harm me much to visit a couple of temples, offer my prayers to God so that all my elders and loved ones are satisfied and not worried about the safety of my wife...does it? Whatever Aishwarya did before her wedding was not because she was coerced into it by the 'anti-woman' Bachhan family...I'm sure she was happy to do that.



The author also seems to have a problem with the fact that Mr. Bachhan is making hordes of money for himself and his family while doing nothing for the society. Well...if he really did indulge himself in social causes and charity, my respect for him will grow manifold, no doubt...but the fact that he doesn't isn't going to make me call him unworthy of being a role model. A role model doesn't necessarily have to be a jack of all trades..Mr. Bachhan is an actor, an entertainer....and if you were to ask anybody in this country(or overseas for that matter) to name just one Indian actor who can be called a role model, it would be him.



The author thinks history isn't made by the Amitabh Bachhans, Shahrukh Khans and Ambanis but P.T. Usha's, Dhyanchands and Arundhati Roys. What hospitals have the latter three built? What charitable donations have they made? Yes, they are an integral part of Modern India's history too, agreed, but so are the former three. That they make insane amounts of money is not something I'll hold against them, and neither should you. If the money earned versus money donated analogy is anything to go by then every top CEO, investment banker and high ranking NRI should also be put under the microscope. So why only Mr. Bachhan....why spew so much venom over the Amitabh Bachhans and Shahrukh Khans? Because they are famous and successful..and you are not?

"Celebrity is as celebrity does"--Mr. Bachhan does what is expected of him. He acts, entertains us...what more do you want? He's not the Prime Minister of India you see. What happens inside his doors or his cultural/traditional beliefs or choice of political friends mean zilch to me. The author goes on to call SRK a money making machine...what's the point? It's not like he's indulging in hawala or robbing a bank, advertisers/corporates are happy to pay him the money, the people are more than happy to pay for the ticket prices....so what's you point sir? The author doesn't even spare the actresses/models and calls them 'alleged Mother Teresa followers'..huh? Now what's so wrong in saying one respects Mother Teresa, what would you rather have them do...say that they despise Mother Teresa? Or would you rather have them actually opening up Aashrams because they were bonded in some invisible contract just for uttering respectful words for Mother Teresa?

Finally, one should not bring down these allged 'money making machines' for a simple fact that it's actually them who provide the overflow for what you call classy and relevant. Stop criticising the Bachhans, the Khans, the Chopras, the Johars, the Ambanis, the Tatas, the Mittals. These are the people who provide the overflow for the Irrfan Khans, the Pankaj Kapurs, the Anurag Kashyaps, the Bheja Fry(ies), the NGOs etc etc. Do you think the money for all social causes, the hospitals, the meaningful cinema etc etc. just springs up from the ground? Everybody has a particular socio-economic role in any society/culture/country and they should be given the freedom to do so..it's a cyclic thing..one begets the other.

In Conversation with Moral Police...

I received a couple of hyperbolic e-mails from a lady the other day. Apparently, she was upset about this post which I had done sometime ago. She told me she was a regular reader of The Mad Momma and had chanced upon my blog from there. The lady inexplicably holds herself in very high esteem as she's a Malayali who has married a half! Tamilian and calls me a racist when I have loved and married a Bengali woman...hmm interesting. She took quite an offence to the fact that I pointed out the the relative lack of involvement of the southern part of India in our war of independence(which I've removed from my post by the way) and then went on to talk about the Moplah Revolution!, oh! how some people just blab for the heck of it! I couldn't be nasty to her in my replies coz (a) she's a lady and (b) she came from The Mad Momma's blog who's almost like a sister to me. I'd like to enlighten this delusional woman here though--The Moplah Revolution was merely a series of uprisings where the peasants in Malabar revolted against the landlords; British,Arabs as well as Indians!. It has NOTHING to do with our War of Independence. This was pure GK though...;)

Now, coming on to her 'racial discrimination' accusations. She conveniently ignored everything I had said about Gujarat, Maharashtra, Delhi and only saw south south and south! She also ignored the fact that I had said U.P. and Bihar accounted for the Lion's Share of crime in India and saw south south and south again!! I told this to her and I'm sure many of you who know me are aware that MOST of my very close friends are in fact NOT North Indians. Anyway, that's not the point, and I really shouldn't be bothering to explain myself to her. I had written that post in reference to what I had heard, read or seen in the recent past. That post was written as an outcry AGAINST racial/regional discrimination, not FOR it. I had made it very clear in the post itself...that I was not generalising. I thrashed Delhi in one of my posts, if I'm really a racist North Indian out on my world winning adventure of claiming North superiority..why would I do it?? If I hear or see something racist happening to a Malaylai,Telugu,Tamilian,Bengali,Marathi,Gujarati etc etc in the North or anywhere, I'll write about that too! The lady's comments, however, have brought back the same feelings in me...and she was sounding exactly like the complexed people I was talking about in my post. I was talking about how people should welcome everybody in their home, how you should not look down upon people from Bihar, U.P. coz they give us civil servants who work for us..and there she goes ranting about how South produces the maximum! number of software engineers working in the USA..how there are so many! South Indian doctors in the UK...??? Is that something to be proud of? YES, of course. We are all proud of it...we are all proud of our brothers and sisters in the South who bring us so much foreign exchange, we are all proud of the numerous great litterateurs, activists, freedom fighters, Nobel laureates West Bengal has given us...we are all proud of the statesmen and litterateurs UP has given us...we are all proud of Bangalore for giving us our own Silicon Valley...and so on and so forth. But that still doesn't give any person from any region to badmouth or look down upon someone else just because he/she does not share 'geography' with you...or does it? Such was this woman's sheer superiority complex that she even put my uncle's 12 years old son under her racial microscope. In my post I had mentioned that my uncle's son(who's studying in a school in Chennai) told us that his classmates used to call him 'the white pig'..which was not acceptable by any means. This lady tells me that it must have been the child's fault and he must have acted arrogantly with the children there, because that's how the North Indian children are brought up..to act arrogant with South Indians!!?? God have mercy on any North Indian children that cross her path :)

Anyway, after rambling, ranting and name calling for about 4 mails that lady has told me she would not visit my blog again...oh! how considerate of you ma'am. She has also told me that I shouldn't bother replying to her as she's created a filter, because she wants to have the LAST WORD....boo hoo!! really? LOL....anyway, I'm really hoping she stays true to her word and does not see this, coz I'll find it hard to be polite the next time :)

Johny Gaddar Movie Review

Warning: Some plot spoilers included

Johny Gaddar is the latest offering from Sriram Raghavan, the man who gave us Ek Hasina Thi. The film is inspired by some of veteran director Vijay Anand's works and James Hadley Chase novels. The main protagonist(or should we say, antagonist!) Vikram aka Johny also borrows some of his ideas from the Amitabh Bacchhan thriller Parwana.

The premise is simple yet very different from your average Bollywood fare. Five conmen plan a deal which will make each of them richer by 50 Lakh in 3 days. Sheshadri(Dharmendra) is supposedly the top guy, a la Danny Ocean. He's supported by Prakash(Vinay Pathak), Shardul(Zakir Hussain), Shiva(Daya Shetty) and Vikram(Neil Mukesh). Vikram however, has other plans; he borrows several ideas from his James Hadley Chase novels and Parwana to double-cross his fellow associates and elope with Mini(Rimi Sen), Shardul's wife! Vikram's plan however, goes haywire when he accidentally kills Shiva in the first phase of his plan. After that point, Vikram's lady luck helps him escape every tryst with destiny untill the climax, where poetic justice is delivered.

The film had all the makings of a taut thriller, but it is marred by lack of pace. The sript was indeed interesting with one accident leading to another and so on and so forth, but it was executed in a very sluggish manner. The director seemed to have lost his vision after the intermission, where he went absolutely overboard with character development and took too much screen time familiarizing us with their personal/family lives. The sadistic outings with Shiva's girlfriend Vaijanthi were totally uneccesary, and they really left a bad taste in your mouth and stomach. Through the entire length of the film, there was not one scene which thrilled you. The only moment where the script catches you off guard is Sheshadri's dying sequence, and it was very well executed too. The script meanders a lot!, particularly after the intermission and you just don't know what the director wants; does he want to thrill you, does he want to make you sob, does he want you to empathize or does he want to tickle your funny bone? Johny Gaddar is a perfect example of a brilliant plot gone awry because of too many distractions. Part of my dissatisfaction might have to do with the fact that I had went into the theater to watch an on-the-edge-of-your-seat suspense thriller, but even if I judge the film as just another movie..it still falls flat on most of the grounds.

Coming on to the performances; Dharmendra is going through the golden twilight of his career, and he gives a commendable performance here. It could have been much better though, and his role does't really do justice to the awe-inspiring persona he has. Neil Mukesh is just about ok, he looked rather silly in the scenes where he had to convey anxiety and fear through his eyes. His Travolta-esque dance sequence was also very childish. You can't complain much though, given the fact that it was his first time acting. I'm not very keen on predicting something for him at this point though; let's just wait and watch. Rimi Sen gives one of her better performances in a rather conveniently stupid role. Zakir Hussain as Shardul was excellent and Vinay Pathak's was THE performance of the film. Vinay Pathak has charmed us with his comic timing before, and with this film he proves that he's an actor of serious mettle; his introduction scene was one of the better ones in the film. The film will tank in the single screes for sure and it just might do decent business in the multiplex centers..don't take my word for it though. To sum it up, Johny Gaddar is a half baked effort with very few interesting sequences and manages to bore you for the better part of it's length. Yes, it IS different, but I still have to call a spade a spade..right?

Rating: **

Congratulations!! India, Congratulations Pakistan,and shame! on you Shoaib Malik

When Misbah-ul-Haq lofted that ball behind the wicket I was sure I'll have a heart attack or something. I had gone totally numb; shuddering to watch the ball roll over to the boundary line for a four. I had no idea Sreesanth was there in catching position, and when he did catch it, I let out a roary YES and hugged my wife. There were tears in my eyes, happy tears:). Well done India, you've made us proud.

Well done Pakistan too; these guys played really well. Till Sreesanth took the match winning catch, I could see Misbah taking away the cup from us. It may sound stupid but beneath all the ecstasy I was feeling as an Indian, I couldn't help empathizing with the Pakistanis too. They really did a good job..it was anybody's game in the end. It was Shoaib Malik's speech at the presentation ceremony however, that drove out even the tiniest speck of empathy I had for Pakistan. I don't know if anybody paid attention or not but this is what he said. "First of all I would like to thank our supporters back in Pakistan, and all the Muslims in the rest of the world.."..??????? What the hell is this? What does Cricket have to do with Muslims, what does Cricket even have to do with religion for that matter? Does Shoaib Malik think Irfan and Yusuf Pathan were playing for Pakistan? Did he think Shahrukh Khan along with his son was cheering for Pakistan in the stands? It really hurts me to see such fanaticism in sportspersons. Fanaticism towards your country is great, but why bring religion in all of this. Shoaib Malik made it sound as if Pakistan were fighting for Muslims all over the world. What does he think of India, does he think we're Anti-Muslim?? We have more Muslims than the entire population of Pakistan Mr. Malik, and like it or not, they were cheering for India's victory too.

Anyway, congratulations!! everybody. Chak De!!!!!!!!

Ram Gopal varma ki AAG?...Aaaaarghhhh!!

Ever since it's release, this particular RGV venture has drawn so much flak and has been ridiculed so much that we were finding it very difficult to spend 400 bucks for the sake of curiosity. Anyway, ..we finally mustered up the courage to watch RGV ki AAG this saturday. Before I begin, let me tell you that the ONLY reason I sat through the movie was to write this review....everybody who reads this owes me big time!!

I won't get into the script details, as no one needs any. An inpiration is what RGV may have called this garbage, but it is an exact rehash of the same situations, albeit with slight deviations in the dilaogues.

DIRECTION--RGV tries very hard to put in his own flavor in many of the memorable Sholay scenes. Sadly, it all falls flat! The scene where AB saws off Mohanlal's fingers is brutally chilling though--one of the very few scenes where I could feel something!

CAMERAWORK--It gives you a headache, it really does. Jerky for most parts and angles which can only make sense to Ram Gopal Varma. Will someone please ask Mr. varma to stop obsessing with his heroines' buttocks please!

MUSIC--Dull and boring..the 'hai aag yeh' title song is sort of OK though.

EDITING--It seems the editing department slept for the better part of their job. It's our turn to sleep now.

SCREENPLAY--As pathetic as it gets. Meaningless, dragging all the uneccesary portions while giving little importance to what mattered, e.g. the scenes between Mohanlal and AB. If only they would have given a little more importance to this aspect, they would have redeemed themselves somehow.

Coming on to the performances now--

Amitabh Bachhan--It's not that I haven't been annoyed by Mr. Bachhan's performances before, Jaadugar, Toofan, Ajooba and Boom to name a few. This performance however, is something in a different league altogether. Not only did it annoy every inch of my body, it made me sad, really sad! God knows what Mr. Bachhan was thinking when he said yes to this 'grand' vision of RGV. RGV has made a total buffoon of his character, and what's more sad is that Mr. Bachhan has played it exactly like a buffoon. I wonder if he's forgotten what it means to improvise. Tacky dialogues, over the top mannerisms, hissing, snarling, nose picking!..you name it..you've got it. Inarguably the worst performance of this legend's career, in fact one of the MOST annoying performances by anyone..ever. Not only has he disappointed me, but he has also dealt a blow to his own reputation by being part of this horrendous "tribute" to Sholay.

Ajay Devgan--If there was an award for the 'worst actor in a comic role ever', it would go to Ajay Devgan for sure. Ever since AAG was announced I always felt that Ajay was miscast here, but that he could be so pathetic!! is something that never crossed my mind. The way he massacred Dharmendra's drunken 'suiciiiiide' scene almost made me cry. I kept cringing everytime he tried to do anything even remotely comic. Ajay should have never done this film..it's left me disillusioned and I'm pretty sure that goes for many others too. I had always regarded Ajay as one of the TOP 3 actors of this generation, but now..my view has changed. Not being excellent at comedy as a Govinda or Paresh Rawal or even an Akshay Kumar is OK, but being this bad! cannot be overlooked. You have to command a decent level of skill in all aspects of acting..if you don't..you're not a good actor in my book.

Prashant Raj--The guys tries very hard, yes, he does. You just cannot expect a newcomer to make an impact with what has already been immortalised by AB. I'm ashamed to admit this, but when he dies, I was actually relieved!..the lesser the irritants..the better for me :)

Nisha Kothari--Supremely irritating would be an understatement. This performance was like a loudspeaker on a mass-destruction spree. I was jumping up and down and pulling my hair everytime she opened her mouth.

Sushmita Sen--Perfect casting this was! And Suhmita did a commendable job too. The only problem I had was that she seemd to be crying every moment while in Jaya's case it was the silent sadness which was much more effective.

Mohanlal--This is what you call a terrific! performance in a terrible film. Even with his flawed hindi accent, Mohanlal portrayed the role of inspector Narsimha with all his heart and soul. His eyes spoke! ..the dormant wrath, the helplessness..everything was done beautifully. I don't need to comment on specific scenes in his case as he was nothing less than excellent in each frame that had him. I'm even inclined to say that there were some scenes where he did better than Sanjeev Kumar in Sholay...there!! I said it.

The tremendous actor in Sushant Singh is wasted in the role of Thambe...even the ever so fascinating Rajpal Yadav simply annoys in the reincarnated version of Soorma Bhopali aka Rambha Bhai. I don't know who advised him to go with that irritatingly squeaky birdy voice..maybe Mr. Varma again??

Calling AAG a half baked effort is far from the truth. It's like RGV even forgot to put it in the oven. His Bacchan bhakti it seems distracted him from the job at hand. He tries to justify Babban's cruelty by having his brother (Sachin) killed. Oh! and how he totally screws up the climax..it's not even funny. Gabbar was beaten like a dog by Veeru and Thakur in the climax of Sholay. In AAG, not only does the old and haggard Babban seem to be overpowering Heero but he's also killed in an instant! It must have been too agonising for RGV to see AB go through the manhandling that Gabbar receives at the 'feet' of Thakur. Oh! and I totally forgot about the nonsensical Abhishek Bachhan cameo in the Mehbooba song. What was he there for?? Walking around, making stupid eyes at everyone....utterly irritating! Enough with the Bacchan bhakti Mr. Varma..a Sarkar we can appreciate but not this nonsense.

Aag is a pain no one should be subjected to, I know, I've experienced it!!

Rating--Not Applicable

Happy Anniversary Baby

This should have been posted long ago, but I was so excited and happy to have my wife back after almost 2 weeks that I forgot to post about it. Anyway, that's no excuse, and I'm terribly sorry. So here goes..



24th August, 2002,455 Vijaypath, Mansarovar, Jaipur



I woke up at 5:00 a.m., which is quite a big deal for me! I kept strolling around my room nervously. I must've smoked 12 cigarettes between 5-6 a.m. and the carbon monoxide filled air caused Sabby(Subroto) to shift uncomfortably in his bed a few times. The night before I had a spat with Chulbul(now my wife) over something very stupid. Well...not stupid actually..I was irritated coz I wasn't getting enough time to spend with her. Although she was very friendly with all the people in my group, she had a lot of exclusive friends too; mainly due to the Rural Management & Business Management divide. Also, not very helpful was the fact that some of them totally despised me...can you believe that? lol;). Some of them just wouldn't leave her alone..ever!..be it the library or the cafeteria and they made it a point to tag along everywhere she went. She never agrees on this, but I'm pretty sure it was all to keep her safe from my "evil" intentions. The thing was...I and Chulbul were more than good friends...yeah..and everybody knew that...but none of us had said anything. We would have a spree of movies, dinners and Filleto Fish hogging at McD's for a week and then the snatchers would surface from nowhere and we wouldn't see each other's faces for 3 days. This annoyed!!!! me. I was annoyed with her too; why couldn't she just say no to them? But then I realized that they were her friends, so what if they didn't like me, they were still her friends. Even after considering this, I was still annoyed at her for not giving me as much importance as I was giving her. Now, of course, I've realized that I was being plain jealous and stupid. Anyway..coming back to the story; the night before I had come back to the hostel looking all depressed and Sabby had sat down to talk with me. He told me that I had to say something to her...he actually coaxed me into doing it...god bless his soul.



That was the reason I was so jittery that morning...I had decided to say 'something'. By the time I washed up and got dressed (a black full sleeves shirt and blue denims) everybody in my hostel was awake. Maamu(Ankur), Addy(Aditya), Sabby(Subroto), Jalahasthi(Ripon--Jalahasthi means a hippo in Bangla) & Sid(Siddharth) all had their inquiring eyes on me. I said "I'm gonna do it today" and kick started my bike, I could hear the YAYs and 'good luck' screams as I rode out of the gate. Very filmy na?he he



I reached the institute half an hour before her first class started. As always, I went into Kaka's Thadi for the morning tea ritual. The only thing which was associated so closely to me other than the singing and guitar playing was Kaka ki Chai. The farewell title my juniors gave me was "purani jeans aur guitar, wo kaka ki chai aur mere yaar". Oh Ho, here I go again, blowing my own not so trumpety trumpets. I gulped down 2 cups in quick succession, oblivious to the painful burning sensation in my chest and stomach. Then she came, along with Trina, her best friend. Apparently, she had an important class to attend and said that she would meet me after that. The 50 minute wait witnessed a few more cups of tea and some more cancer sticks.

She met me at Kaka ki Thadi after her class and I took her straight to Amul's(our favourite joint in Jaipur). Three hours we sat there, she was nibbling on the miniature pizza while I was busy gulping one ThumsUp after another. I had almost 10 bottles during the 3 hour period..he he. She had sensed it but she was acting all nonchalant about it, and it irritated me a little. I had always thought of myself as a confident man, I still do, but on that moment, it seemed like all the energy and confidence in the world had left me. I was perspiring, and gulping down the ThumsUp bottles to make up for the dehydration. Anyway..I finally mustered up all the courage in this world..and said it!. " I think I'm falling in love with you"...yikkkkkes!!!! I resented it as soon as I said it...what a stupid jerk I was...'I think', 'falling'?? To my benefit, she didn't seem to have paid attention to the bad choice of words:).So that was it...I had confessed my love for a woman for the first time in my life. What happened after that is not important right now...ummm..maybe later. I just wanted to wish my baby a very happy anniversary:)

Bollywood: The 20 Greatest Performances

I'm on a bollywood spree these days..lol...just humor me:) The title says "Greatest" but let's just say these are 20 of my favourites, that leaves no room for arguments you see:)) Sometimes, they might not be the best 'acting' performances per se but the most definitive in their respective genres or the most pertinent to the kind of character portrayed, i.e. comic, tragic, romantic etc etc.


20) Shah Rukh Khan--Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa


Sunil is the definition of the loveable looser. "woh to hai albela, hazaron mein akela" clearly sums up the movie's ethos as well as the character of Sunil portrayed so beautifully by SRK.


19) Vinod Khanna--Dayawaan

Yes, I have seen Nayagan, and am quite aware of the Oscar nomination of Kamal Hasan. I still believe Vinod Khanna was better! When it comes to The Godfather-like performances, this one takes the cake in Indian cinema. Although everything he has done in this movie is par-excellence, but the scene where he breaks down after looking at his son's dead body gives me goose-bumps.


18) Shabana Aazmi--Arth

Oh yes, this is not a best actor-male Filmfare awards list. The definitive portrayal of a frustrated and angry wife. Shabana Aazmi is almost always perfect in anything she does, but this one is her greatest achievement in my opinion.


17) Nana Patekar--Parinda

Cold, crazy and so smooth. The 'hatke' bhai. Nana has never been able to better this.


16) Anupam Kher--Saaransh

It was his first film..he was only 29 years old at that time..and he played a late-age retired person. And he did it so beautifully!! A helpless father fighting for his son's dead body. Truly a heart wrenching performance this one.


15) Dilip Kumar--Shakti

With Dilip Kumar, you could take up any of the movies he has done and rave about the performance. This one, however, is something special. A policeman torn between honesty/integrity and fatherhood...and he has to shoot his own son ( a la Mother India), a historic performance.



14) Aamir Khan--Rangeela

This is where Aamir graduated from being a good actor to a great actor. The loveable tapori. You know all about it don't you?


13) Amitabh Bachhan--Amar Akbar Anthony

"apun ek maara, pan solid maara na". Big B's greatest comic achievement; the mirror sequence is a lesson in comic timing.


12) Shah Rukh Khan--Baazigarr

The definition of an anti-hero. This was not a landmark acting performance by any means, but it was the most shocking thing anybody had ever seen in Indian Cinema, and SRK did it very convincingly, and menacingly if I might add.


11) Aamir Khan--Rang De Basanti

No, it's not here coz its fresh in my memory. I truly believe this is Aamir's best performance to date. The scene where he breaks down in front of Sue is....well....perfect!!!..as Aamir always is.


10) Anil Kapoor--Eeshwar

Portrayal of a mentally challeneged person doesn't get any better than this..yeah...not even Dustin Hoffman's in Rain Man.


09) Raj Kapoor--Jaagte Raho


I have always thought of Raj Kapoor being a little overrated as an actor,but here he gives a mind blowing performance. Leaves you all sad and depressed...yeah...but that's what great performances are about. They actually make you feel!


08) Kamal Hasan--Sadma

What can I say? Let's just say that it's fortunate he didn't really make it big in Bollywood, or Naseeruddin Shah and Om Puri would not have had the same kind of clout that they enjoy.


07) Amitabh Bachhan--Black

For the first half an hour he was more loud than he had ever been, and hammed very consistently...but!!....the rest of the movie is vintage Bachhan magic, a landmark performance. The greatest performance of this decade without doubt.


06) Nargis Dutt--Mother India

Such was the effect of this role that people rejected Nargis in every heroine role after that. I mean, what can be a bigger landmark than this?


05) Amitabh Bachhan--Deewaar

The angry young man!! 80% of Big B's most memorable dialogues are here. The dying sequence is the best ever....SRK's dying scene in Baazigarr is almost a copy!!


04) Amjad Khan--Sholay


Gabbar Singh..inarguably..the most memorable character in the history of Indian cinema. Some might not recall Jai or Veeru or Basanti or Thakur or Soorma Bhopali...but no one can forget Gabbar!! Not Aamir's QSQT, not Hritik's KNPH, not Rishi Kapoor's Bobby..it is Amjad Khan's Sholay which was home to the most sensational debut ever!!


03) Rajesh Khanna--Aanand


The loveable, exuberant, happy go lucky dying man. Although his Safar,Amar Prem and Kati Patang performances are great too, this one is simply out of this world and one of the most endearing performances in the history of Indian cinema.

02) Shah Rukh Khan--Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

The most entertaining performance ever! It's complete in every sense...the irresponsible/careless college boy, the romantic lover, the ethical man who respects the value of parents..comedy..emotions..and even a typical bolly-action stint in the climax. What more can you ask for?

01) Amitabh Bachhan--Agneepath

Some might say he copied Marlon Brando in a few scenes, and even if I agree, this has still got to be the best performance ever..by anyone in the history of Indian cinema. There can be no one like an angry Bachhan in form!